It’s been going on for a little while now. Every time when we get out for a drink we get drunk and we kiss. Or we do more. But only when we are drunk. Why? Because it is drunk love?
Not for me. It is more than drunk love. I start to get real feelings for you.
I see you. You see me. I try to get close to you. We have that little moment. We touch, we get closer, we kiss, we love, we feel, we are one. But also the alcohol is a part of that situation.
You only act like this when you are drunk. Are you scared when you are sober? I’m not? But I’m waiting for you. Because I don’t know what to do.
I know it is scary to admit our feelings for each other. We don’t want to mess things up. At least I don’t want this to end.
I wish we could do it without alcohol. Will that time come one day?
Or will we forever be drunk in love?
Do you know how that moment changed everything for me? For us? It is not the same anymore since we share that kiss. Don’t get me wrong I liked it.
No, I loved it. And I loved that it was not or only kiss not or only moment together. Because we did more it’s like we are together but we are not.
I like you but I don’t know if you like me. The one moment I think. “Yes, she does” but then I hear you speak about him. And I break every time you say his name.
Why do we act like this? I asked you the last time you came over after, you kissed me again. You smiled and said. “Because I like it and it is nice”
But it is more than nice to me. Why do you act like you like me when we sit together. We sit so close to each other. And I don’t like it when those moments come to an end.
Why do we act like a couple when you don’t want it? Or do you want to be a couple? I want it. That’s for sure.
We act so differently but still, it feels so good to have those moments with you. Our little secret. But it drives me crazy. To not know what you feel.
Maybe I know the answer already. Maybe I don’t want to know it. But what if you do like me. Please be honest one day.
Or do I need to be honest? I’m scared. Are you scared too?
Scared for what this is between us?
Is that why we act like this?
You left me with these mixed feelings. I see that you were having a hard time. And I asked, “what was wrong?”
And what I then heard changed everything. You didn’t cheat on me. Because that isn’t possible but you did betray my feelings. You know I’m in love with you. And you know that she is a good friend of mine. It hurt do you understand? You will I know…
I can’t be angry with you I can’t be angry with her. Why? Because you did nothing wrong. You two like each other and that is okay. But I’m the one with the broken heart. I need some time but I will still be there for the two of you.
You know that I care about you. And I will not leave you you are still my friend and will be. I’m not angry. I was a little bit but you don’t deserve that.
You did nothing wrong.
And you know that. I know that. But I have these mixed feelings about this situation. I will get over you one day and maybe this helps. You told me the truth and I am happy with it but still, I’m a little bit sad.
I still like you.
But this makes our friendship stronger. You know it. I know it.
I am happy that there are no more secrets. But still, I will have these mixed feelings when I see you again.
We drove at the highway to get dinner. I always love driving with you. The music the fun we make just the two of us. I love these moments. You were already a little drunk. Of course, I was sober because I drove the car. I looked at you and saw you being so happy. I smiled because I always smile at you. You saw me. And asked why I smiled. I told you that I didn’t know. But I knew why I did it because I am in love with you.
You looked at me and all of the sudden you asked me. Why do you like me? I was shocked we never talked about my feelings for you because you don’t feel the same. I saw that you regretted what you asked. And you said that you were sorry.
I told you not to be sorry and that it is okay. I answered:
I like you so much because you are yourself. And I’m so sad that you don’t notice that you are so beautiful, nice, sweet and funny. That is what I told you. But words can’t explain why I like you so much.
I know it’s hard when you have a friendship like this. The feelings will stay. But lucky we have found a way to still be good friends. And little talks like this makes it even better to deal with it. And it will make our friendship stronger. Even when I still love you…
It is you every time every moment every single time of the day.
I’m looking for you everywhere. I’m wondering what you are doing. I want to know what is going on in your life. I get worried about you sometimes. Just because I care about you.
You who leave me worried about what went wrong when you don’t text back. I can’t leave my phone alone. I will check my phone for your name a lot. There it is again your name at my screen.
You who makes me smile because of your stupid but funny actions. You I want to spend my time with. Because with you I will never get bored. No matter what time it is I will spend it with you.
I want to walk around the city with you. It makes me feel calm when you are around. You make me smile. You know me and I know you.
There is so much I want to do with you but I know we are running out of time. You will leave and I will stay here. And I wonder will we still have that moment when you are gone?
You I will not let go on. I will think about you. I hope you understand how important you are for me.
What do you think about me?
I know what I think about you. You are beautiful and you are special, you are kind.
What do you think when you see me? Do you also get those happy feelings?
What do you think when you smile at me?
I smile at you for a reason because I love you. And I hope you will see that you make me smile. That smile is for you. A smile because I like you.
What do you think when we touch? Or kiss or talk or just sit next to each other?
I don’t know what you think. All I know is my own feelings. My feelings for you are real. But do you think the same?
The moments we kiss. Are one of the best moments. I don’t want it to stop. The feelings of your hands against me. That moment before the kiss. You staring at me. I look into your beautiful eyes and all I think is you are so beautiful.
That little smile you give me when we look at each other in the eyes. I feel your lips against mine. And I feel your warmth.
I love it. I don’t want this to stop. Because I don’t know what you will think.
All I can think is when well be our next kiss? When will be our next touch? When will you smile at me again?
Do you think about me when you can’t sleep? I do, but do you?
I will never know what you think.
But I hope someday you will tell me what you think about me.
We have a secret. We keep that secret together. Mostly secrets are bad but not this one. No, this secret is beautiful.
I always had a little crush on you but I didn’t know better that you were straight. You only liked boys.
You always found me at parties. We would dance and make fun. We laughed and flirt a little bit. You would hug me and touch me a little. I didn’t mind. It was fun.
But that one night everything changed it was just the right moment. You told me you wanted to kiss me. And I saw it in your eyes. You didn’t just want to kiss me. You wanted me. And I wanted you. It was just you and me.
We kissed and it was our beautiful little secret. It was special for you I felt it. And it was special to me.
I thought it was just for once. But you prove me wrong. The next party you found me again and we kissed again when we were alone. Again our beautiful little secret. I felt your body to mine when I took you to bed it was special and again our beautiful little secret. That nobody needs to know.
Just you and I.
We kissed more often and you would touch me more often.We become closer and closer. It feels so real when we are together. I love it. And I want to do it all over again and again.
This is our beautiful little secret.
But I wish it wasn’t a secret. I wish I can call you mine and tell you that I like you. That I want you.
And that is my beautiful little secret.
I sit here and I have you on the phone. Something is wrong, you are sad I hear your voice break over and over again when you speak to me.
You said you wanted to tell me something but you can’t. You don’t want to hurt me… We have been here before. You said the same words to me. You can’t tell me. And you leave me wondering what is wrong.
Not this time. This time you said that you will explain everything to me and you did…
I listen to you and I hear you say… “We kissed.. ” “not once but a few times” “and we have slept with each other one time”
I hear the words in my head “we kissed” “we kissed” “we kissed” and all went black. It hurts it really hurts…it felt like everything in my life wasn’t real for a moment.
I know you have never loved me back. We were just friends but you knew I loved you. That is why you didn’t want to tell me this. But you also knew that I already knew about you and her.
It all makes sense now. All those times I saw you with her. That little touch you give her, that smile you give her, the flirty comments you give her. I wished you did that with me but you never loved me back. You already told me. And I knew…
I knew this would happen. But why does it hurt so much?
I have you on the phone. And I tell you that everything is going to be alright. But she doesn’t know that I have never been so hurt in my life.
I hope you missed me. I haven’t been posting for a few months because I just had nothing to tell. But deep down in my heart I knew that wasn’t true. Sooo I will get back on my computer and write for you guys again.
Thank you all for your support and I hope you will enjoy my story’s again.