I don’t want to be in love with you.

Being in love feels good. It is wonderful to be in love and it feels so good when I’m with you. It is the greatest feeling I have ever felt. But still, I don’t want to feel it for you.

You don’t love me back. You don’t see me as I see you. You don’t care about me as I do for you. You don’t want to spend time with me like I want to be with you every minute of the day. You don’t think about me as I think about you. You don’t lay awake in the night thinking about me. Like I do because of you.

You don’t need me as I need you.

You don’t love me and I can’t make you fall in love with me.

You can’t choose the person you fall in love with but if I could I would not choose to love you. It would make things so easier for us. It wouldn’t hurt that much to not have you. I would be alright. And we could have an easy friendship.

Now I’m trying every day to let you go. Try to move on. When you are gone for a while I tell myself this is the moment to let you go. Get over you. I will miss you and from the moment I will see you again I will fall so hard for you again.

I will do anything for you.

But the only thing I want is to get over you. I don’t want to love you

but still, I do

All about you

A lot of my stroys are about you. In this way, I can speak to you. I write down all my feelings the feelings I can’t explain to you.

We joked about it. In a text you asked me one day. “have you ever wrote a love story about me?” I tried to change the subject. But why? This was the time to tell you about the things I wrote.

So I did. I send you a love story. A love story about you.

I was terrified when you read it. I patiently waited for your reaction. And once you did my heart skipped a beat.

“It is beautiful,” you said. Do you have more? I want to read more. Is this all the truth? Is this how you really feel? Yes, I said. All that I write is about you.

You don’t love me. And that’s okay. But now I know you understand my feelings. You know why I can react unusual or angry or sad. You understand because you have read it.

And I’m so happy I opened up about it to you.

Because it makes things so much easier to talk about.

Because all I write is about you. And I will still write about you

Why does it hurt so much?

I sit here and I have you on the phone. Something is wrong, you are sad I hear your voice break over and over again when you speak to me.

You said you wanted to tell me something but you can’t. You don’t want to hurt me… We have been here before. You said the same words to me. You can’t tell me. And you leave me wondering what is wrong.

Not this time. This time you said that you will explain everything to me and you did…

I listen to you and I hear you say… “We kissed.. ” “not once but a few times” “and we have slept with each other one time”

I hear the words in my head “we kissed” “we kissed” “we kissed” and all went black. It hurts it really hurts…it felt like everything in my life wasn’t real for a moment.

I know you have never loved me back. We were just friends but you knew I loved you. That is why you didn’t want to tell me this. But you also knew that I already knew about you and her.

It all makes sense now. All those times I saw you with her. That little touch you give her, that smile you give her, the flirty comments you give her. I wished you did that with me but you never loved me back. You already told me. And I knew…

I knew this would happen. But why does it hurt so much?

I have you on the phone. And I tell you that everything is going to be alright. But she doesn’t know that I have never been so hurt in my life.

Thinking about being with you

Being with you is all I want, but at this moment I can’t.

You know how I feel.

And I don’t even know if you want to be with me. Because you always give me those mixed signals.

Every time when I feel down or sad I start thinking about you. I will feel happy and calm again. Just the thought of talking with you or being with you lets me feel okay again.

When I go to sleep I hope that I will dream about you. Those dreams are the best dreams.

I miss you more and more when you aren’t here but just a few days and I will see you again. I can’t wait.

Just a few days left. We text and text. You are on my mind all the time. Do you have that too? I hope so.

I think about the things you always do and it even let me want you more.

I miss you but I will meet you soon.

Just let me think about being with you for a few more days.

I can’t wait to see your smile again.

Dream

Last night I dreamed about you. It was not like the other dreams I always have about you. This one was different. This one really stays on my mind.

We were sitting in the grass. I was leaning against you with your arms around me. It felt safe. I felt loved. I was happy. The sun was shining and I looked at you. You smiled at me. You seemed happy. I felt your warmth and I didn’t want it to end.

But it did. I woke up.

Now I think about it all day. That dream was so pure it felt so real. That dream is what I want to happen. That dream is all I want. I want you. I want to feel that moment. SoI don’t have to dream about it anymore. I don’t have to be afraid to wake up and miss you anymore. I want that dream to be real.

But it will forever be a dream.

“Girlfriend”

This is a story about what happend a few years ago.

One day I was shopping with my best friend( a girl) and another friend. (a boy).

Because I like boy clothes we where on the men’s department, I wanted to try a blouse, I did it on and I came out the dressing, I asked to my best friend what she thought about it, because I care about what her opinion is

The girl who worked there looked at us with a look of’’ this two girls are together what cute’’ She wanted to help us and acted as she was helping a couple, she asked my friend what do you think about it. Does it look good at her and stuff like that.

After I had bought the blouse we leaved, we laughed because we aren’t together.But maybe for some people it looks like we are a couple. Then we came with an idea, what would people do if we where holding hands? So we did. We walked in the town holding hands, we saw that a few people (mostly men) stared at us, one time a group of men walked pass us, and our other friend told us that he looked over the shoulder and pointed at us.

When we needed to wait for the traffic light a girl looked at us and saw that we where holding hands.She gave us a great big smile , a smile like’’ Awwh it is brave that you two are proud and let others show that you two are together’’ You saw that she was totally accepting.

What I want to say, even when me and my best friend weren’t together as a real couple, I want to say to you that you shouldn’t be afraid to hold hands with your girl , be proud that you walk next to her. People will stare, but so what?, at the same time there will always be people like that girl by the traffic lights , people who will not care and even be friendly to you ! You are just as normal as a straight couple. So don’t hold back, if you want to hold hands do it.

Being in love with someone who doesn’t love you back

I have been in love with a girl for almost 2 years. She doesn’t love me back and that hurts.

She is already with another girl. I told myself when I met her “don’t fall in love with her” but still I did. I felt madly in love with her. You can’t choose who you will love.

We are good friends. So we see eachother a lot. She knows that I like her and sometimes she likes to play with my feelings. I let her, because I like the attention even when it hurts me later on.

I know we can’t be together. I tell myself all the time. Still I can’t stop loving her. That needs time and she is okay with that. She still is there for me in times when I need her. We can be friends and that is enough.

It is hard for me, but still we can talk about it. At first she had an hard time dealing with my feelings because she didn’t like the idea and was afraid that our friendship would change. But things are alright now.

I think about her all the time. And I want to be with her all the time. She knows that. Luckly she wants to spend time with me and knows when she is going to far and need to take a step back. And that is so sweet of her.

I will be alright. Someday I will find a lovely girl. And she and I will still be good friends.

“Girlfriend”

This is a story about what happend a few years ago.

One day I was shopping with my best friend( a girl) and another friend. (a boy).

Because I like boy clothes we where on the men’s department, I wanted to try a blouse, I did it on and I came out the dressing, I asked to my best friend what she thought about it, because I care about what her opinion is

The girl who worked there looked at us with a look of’’ this two girls are together what cute’’ She wanted to help us and acted as she was helping a couple, she asked my friend what do you think about it. Does it look good at her and stuff like that.

After I had bought the blouse we leaved, we laughed because we aren’t together.But maybe for some people it looks like we are a couple. Then we came with an idea, what would people do if we where holding hands? So we did. We walked in the town holding hands, we saw that a few people (mostly men) stared at us, one time a group of men walked pass us, and our other friend told us that he looked over the shoulder and pointed at us.

When we needed to wait for the traffic light a girl looked at us and saw that we where holding hands.She gave us a great big smile , a smile like’’ Awwh it is brave that you two are proud and let others show that you two are together’’ You saw that she was totally accepting.

What I want to say, even when me and my best friend weren’t together as a real couple, I want to say to you that you shouldn’t be afraid to hold hands with your girl , be proud that you walk next to her. People will stare, but so what?, at the same time there will always be people like that girl by the traffic lights , people who will not care and even be friendly to you ! You are just as normal as a straight couple. So don’t hold back, if you want to hold hands do it.

how to deal with loving your best friend (same-sex)

Here is some advice on how to deal with being in love with your best friend, I am not going to say that you must do what I say, this is just some advice and maybe it can help you a little bit. Situations like this can be difficult and is for everyone different but maybe you have something about this.

I have been in love with a few friends of mine, some friends I don’t talk to anymore because of it. But with some friends I became closer because of it.
It is hard to be in love with your friend because you don’t want you ruin the friendship. You don’t want anything to change but also you want something to change, you want her.and that can be really hard. Mostly when you know she isn’t into you.

But how do you deal with it?

I will tell you two story’s about how I did deal with it,they are different from each other and I just want to share it.

story one: I felt in love with my best friend of that moment. We were really close and I realized that I was gay in that time. I did nothing with my feelings. But one day she told my that she wanted to kiss a girl. And it just happened. We had a secret relationship on and of for two years. But I had not told her that I was in love. For her it was just experimenting. At least that is what she told me. But one day I told her that I liked her. That I was in love with her. She got angry and we never hooked up again.

I just told her that I liked her, she didn’t feel the same because she was not straight or at least she was not ready to come out, I don’t know it and I will probably never know because I don’t talk to her anymore.
But what I wanted to say is this : I just told her how I felt and that really felt good because it was not a secret anymore.

Story two: I’m in love with my co-worker who is my best buddy at work. She is married to a woman and she has a child.I knew it would not happen. But still I felt in love with her.I started to have feelings for her a long time ago but she didn’t knew it until last year. Something happened we got in a fight and I tried to talk it out. We texted each other and I asked why we had a fight, she told me that she was tired of me not telling what is going on with me. And I asked what she meant. She said: ”You are in love with me. ” And then I knew I needed to be honest to her, I couldn’t lie anymore. So I said: yes I am but I don’t want this to change our friendship.” but sadly it did. She couldn’t handle me being in love with her for a while. We talked and talked and things got better. And now we are closer then before and even make fun about it, even when I am still on love with her. She knows that, but still is my friend.

Some advice

It doesn’t matter in what situation you are, it still is hard to express your feeling towards someone you care of, especially when it can change things between the two of you. But try to keep on. Try to figure out if she maybe likes you. And if you don’t know it at all and you feel okay about it try to tell her anyway. Even when you are scared. She is your best friend and that is for a reason. It came out in this two stories, in one it did not end well, even when things were good at the beginning, and in the other story it started of wrong but now things are good. So all I want to say is. Try to express yourself, tell your feeling but also listen to what she has to say about it. And accept that she maybe doesn’t feel the same. But that does not mean that you can’t be friends anymore. Maybe things will get hard, when she likes someone else and you feel jealous but try to let it go and enjoy her happiness. Because that is important right when you love someone. You want her to be happy.

Friendship is important it can be strong. So try to overcome whatever is going on. If you two are good friends your friendship will survive this.