Drunk love

It’s been going on for a little while now. Every time when we get out for a drink we get drunk and we kiss. Or we do more. But only when we are drunk. Why? Because it is drunk love?

Not for me. It is more than drunk love. I start to get real feelings for you.

I see you. You see me. I try to get close to you. We have that little moment. We touch, we get closer, we kiss, we love, we feel, we are one. But also the alcohol is a part of that situation.

You only act like this when you are drunk. Are you scared when you are sober? I’m not? But I’m waiting for you. Because I don’t know what to do.

I know it is scary to admit our feelings for each other. We don’t want to mess things up. At least I don’t want this to end.

I wish we could do it without alcohol. Will that time come one day?

Or will we forever be drunk in love?

Home

For my work, I need to miss home a lot. From Monday to Friday I sleep on the barracks because of my work. Also for my work, we practice a lot abroad mostly in Germany.

I will be gone for 4/5weeks.

Most people ask don’t you miss home when you are gone? Of course, I miss it. I miss my little brother, my dogs and even the small things like my bed.

I take my time to say goodbye every time when I need to go. I hug my dogs and I tell my brother that I love him. But from the moment I step in my car, I focus on work.

Home is where your heart is. That is something what I always remember myself. I love my job. And I like the people I work with. I know that with them I can be myself and we always make happy memories. I see them more than my own family that can be hard sometimes but they know the feeling of being away from home. At that moment they are my family they are my home.

And knowing that makes it easier to go away from home.

But it still makes me happy every time I step into my house to be home again.

“Girlfriend”

This is a story about what happend a few years ago.

One day I was shopping with my best friend( a girl) and another friend. (a boy).

Because I like boy clothes we where on the men’s department, I wanted to try a blouse, I did it on and I came out the dressing, I asked to my best friend what she thought about it, because I care about what her opinion is

The girl who worked there looked at us with a look of’’ this two girls are together what cute’’ She wanted to help us and acted as she was helping a couple, she asked my friend what do you think about it. Does it look good at her and stuff like that.

After I had bought the blouse we leaved, we laughed because we aren’t together.But maybe for some people it looks like we are a couple. Then we came with an idea, what would people do if we where holding hands? So we did. We walked in the town holding hands, we saw that a few people (mostly men) stared at us, one time a group of men walked pass us, and our other friend told us that he looked over the shoulder and pointed at us.

When we needed to wait for the traffic light a girl looked at us and saw that we where holding hands.She gave us a great big smile , a smile like’’ Awwh it is brave that you two are proud and let others show that you two are together’’ You saw that she was totally accepting.

What I want to say, even when me and my best friend weren’t together as a real couple, I want to say to you that you shouldn’t be afraid to hold hands with your girl , be proud that you walk next to her. People will stare, but so what?, at the same time there will always be people like that girl by the traffic lights , people who will not care and even be friendly to you ! You are just as normal as a straight couple. So don’t hold back, if you want to hold hands do it.

LGBT Talk: With Roos and Stefanie

I asked my straight roommates if they wanted to do an interview with me. I know them from work, and they are best friends at work.

Me: Hello ladies this is my first interview so don’t judge me haha

Me: Thanks that you two wanted to do this interview. Okay, tell me something about yourself and how do you know me and how do you know each other? 🙂

Roos: Hello, I’m 20 years old, I live in the south of the Netherlands. I know you from work because we are in the same group. And I know Stefanie from the Military school, we were buddy’s and we still are.

Stefanie: Hi, I’m 21 years old., I live in the middle of the Netherlands. 15 km from the German border. I know you from the workplace, and we live together in the same building at work. And yeah as what Roos said we know each other from the Military school, and I have a lot of fun with her.

Me: What were your first thoughts about me when you figured out that I was gay?

Roos: I need to think, I don’t know, I think I kinda just heard it and I find it cool hhaha 🙂 We sleep together in one room but I have never felt uncomfortable with you because we have more gay roommates.

Stefanie: At first sight, I didn’t know you where gay. But then when you told me I was like okay okay interesting.

Me: What are your thoughts about homosexuality in general? And do you know any LGBT people?

Stefanie: I don’t mind it, I don’t hate it, the persons who are LGBT are just normal people just like us. And there is nothing wrong with that. And yes I know a few people who are gay, and since I work in the Army I know even more gay people.

Roos: You are not different, there is no difference, people are allowed to love who they want to love. My niche is lesbian and I have a friend of mine who is gay. And I’m happy for them that they have figured out and are happy in a relationship now.

Me: And what do you think when you see LGBT stuff on tv or in real life?

Roos: If I see two people of the same-sex kiss on tv I don’t think different about it.

Stefanie: No problem 😀 But when they kiss I don’t like it, but I have that with everyone hahah also heterosexuals just get a room haha.

Me: We work in the military, what is very manly what do you it will be like for gay men to be in the military and what about gay women?

Roos: They will be scared I think because they maybe think that their buddies will not be their friends or something. Because of the culture the Army has.

Stefanie: I think it can be very hard for them because the men in the Army can be judging about gay men, not like homophobic but just yeah they will choose them to pick on. But for women, it is easier because they will be seen as one of the guys.

Me: As a heterosexual what do you think about the LGBT rights in the world, does something have to change?

Roos: In the Netherlands it is good you have the same rights as me. So that is okay. But it is weird that it is different in other countries that is not okay.

Stefanie: I find it a good job of us that we have LGBT-rights and I love the gay-pride in Amsterdam. It is stupid that in other countries LGBT people can’t marry the person they love.

Me: Do you have advice for people who aren’t yet out of the closet?

Stefanie: You can do it, people will love you for who you are. Open the door there is a whole world waiting for you hahah.

Roos: Buy a light then it will be less dark in your life hahahah, No just kidding, just tell someone you trust. It will be fine.

Me: Any last words?

Roos and Stefanie: We wish you luck with your blog and thanks for this interview haha it was interesting.

Stefanie and Roos at the Iron Viking Run 42 km obstacle run

Being in love with someone who doesn’t love you back

I have been in love with a girl for almost 2 years. She doesn’t love me back and that hurts.

She is already with another girl. I told myself when I met her “don’t fall in love with her” but still I did. I felt madly in love with her. You can’t choose who you will love.

We are good friends. So we see eachother a lot. She knows that I like her and sometimes she likes to play with my feelings. I let her, because I like the attention even when it hurts me later on.

I know we can’t be together. I tell myself all the time. Still I can’t stop loving her. That needs time and she is okay with that. She still is there for me in times when I need her. We can be friends and that is enough.

It is hard for me, but still we can talk about it. At first she had an hard time dealing with my feelings because she didn’t like the idea and was afraid that our friendship would change. But things are alright now.

I think about her all the time. And I want to be with her all the time. She knows that. Luckly she wants to spend time with me and knows when she is going to far and need to take a step back. And that is so sweet of her.

I will be alright. Someday I will find a lovely girl. And she and I will still be good friends.

How it was to be in the closet (part 2)

In my earlier stroy you could read about my hiding my sexuality from others read here part 1

Here is part 2.

Is was still not out to everyone at school only some friends knew about it.

And it was hard for me to be open about it to some people and not to everyone but still I wanted to keep it a secret for a while.

One time I sat with a friend and I was a little bit sad because I had been in a fight with my then love interest. So my friend asked what wad wrong. I said that I had a fight. She asked my why. I told her that I couldn’t tell her.

I didn’t knew why I wouldn’t tell her that I wad gay. I think I was just to scared to lose her as a friend. We talked a little bit and then she asked if I maybe was in love with her and if I was gay.

I freaked out because she got it right. I n panick I told her that it was not true. So we moved on. Then she asked who that girl was on my backscreen of my phone. I had a wallpaper of a beautiful girl because I liked the way she looked. I just told her that it was a youtuber I liked. And stil I don’t know why I didn’t told her that I was gay. I had the change so why not?

I think she already knew but just wanted to hear it from me in person. After a few months I just told her. She accepted me and we are still friends.

All those strugles I had with being in the closet was for nothing because she still accepted me. Sometimes you are just to scared. But that is okay!

“Girlfriend”

This is a story about what happend a few years ago.

One day I was shopping with my best friend( a girl) and another friend. (a boy).

Because I like boy clothes we where on the men’s department, I wanted to try a blouse, I did it on and I came out the dressing, I asked to my best friend what she thought about it, because I care about what her opinion is

The girl who worked there looked at us with a look of’’ this two girls are together what cute’’ She wanted to help us and acted as she was helping a couple, she asked my friend what do you think about it. Does it look good at her and stuff like that.

After I had bought the blouse we leaved, we laughed because we aren’t together.But maybe for some people it looks like we are a couple. Then we came with an idea, what would people do if we where holding hands? So we did. We walked in the town holding hands, we saw that a few people (mostly men) stared at us, one time a group of men walked pass us, and our other friend told us that he looked over the shoulder and pointed at us.

When we needed to wait for the traffic light a girl looked at us and saw that we where holding hands.She gave us a great big smile , a smile like’’ Awwh it is brave that you two are proud and let others show that you two are together’’ You saw that she was totally accepting.

What I want to say, even when me and my best friend weren’t together as a real couple, I want to say to you that you shouldn’t be afraid to hold hands with your girl , be proud that you walk next to her. People will stare, but so what?, at the same time there will always be people like that girl by the traffic lights , people who will not care and even be friendly to you ! You are just as normal as a straight couple. So don’t hold back, if you want to hold hands do it.