I will call you mine someday.

You.
You don’t exist right now in my life but you are there outside. Maybe you are happy. Maybe you are sad. Maybe you are running outside somewhere looking for Me.

Me
who you don’t know yet. But we will get to know each other someday.
I don’t know when. You don’t know it either. But we both hope it will be someday. Someday when we both can love each other.
The day will come when I look at you when we have dinner somewhere in a cute little city. And then I can say you are mine. Someday will come.
You will kiss me and I will kiss you back. We will wake up and cuddle up to each other. We will be sleepy and we will stay in bed a little longer because it is so warm and safe in bed with you.

You
You are out there somewhere.
I think about you. But I don’t know who you are. What you look like. I know nothing about you. But someday you will not be a stranger anymore. We will know everything about each other. And you will be my favorite person. You will be my home and I will do everything to be with you. To make you happy. I will do anything for you.
You or better said mine.

Jealous

I’m a jealous person, I don’t want to be a jealous person but I am.
I hate the feeling of jealousy and I wish it didn’t exist. That feeling of not being wanted, that feeling of being angry at the other person, you suddenly hate that person, but why? Because you are jealous because she is having fun with the girl you love. Because she is not having fun with you at the moment? I hate that feeling. It is jealousy that makes me look bad.

I’m jealous when I hear you say something about her that I didn’t knew, why did she told you that and not me? I’m jealous when I know that you are with your girlfriend, I want to be with you. It makes me sick. I’m jealous at party’s when you don’t play beer-pong with me. I am jealous about all the little things.

Jealousy makes relationships damaged. Did you cheat on me? Why are you talking to her? Do you like her? I saw you looking at her! That is the jealousy speaking and it makes us look so stupid and awful. You can be the nicest person in the world but when you are jealous will it makes you look so evil.

It is wrong that I am jealous if it is about you. You can have fun without me, you are allowed to see other people, you can speak to her, you can date with her. you can do what you want. It has nothing to do with me because you are not with me.

And I am jealous about that.

The biggest question I asked myself

Am I gay?

Foto door Lisa Fotios op Pexels.com

That is the question a lot people ask themself one day but for me it was not just a question anymore is was a development.

I was around 12/13 years old , I sat in the second class of high school (Netherlands school system) and I became friends with a girl , we became really good friends. But I wondered why I liked her so much. I wanted to be around her all the time and when she was not around I got sad. Ofcourse that is why you are friends right? But is it only friendship or was it more? That is what I asked myself all the time when I was with her.

Me gay?That was not possible. I had been in love with boys, right? Or was it just me telling meself that I was? Was it love or was it just because people told me”that boy is cute” or ”that boy seems to like you”. I was just acting like everyone was , I was acting straight and I liked boys…

But my feelings for this girl got stronger with the day, I told myself ”neh you are not gay you just admire her a lot” ”but isn’t that not something for famous people like: Kristen Steward or Emma Watson. Thoose I really admire.” ”So what they are female but im not gay? Right?”

Or am I ?
This thoughts were going on for a while, and finally I accepted that is was love what I felt for this girl, but only for her right? I was still in dinail that I was possible gay. I was only in love with this girl and I will not fall in love with other girls.

But when I walked to the hallways on school a caught myself staring at other girls. Also on tv in the city everywere. And then I knew it after a good talk with myself.

I AM GAY!

It took a while for me to accept the fact that I was gay, but I was. I couldn’t change that fact. This is me. Now I am really proud. I have not always been that proud , I have hide it in the beginning but after I told my best friend. I felt safe to be openly gay.

Foto door Rosemary Ketchum op Pexels.com

Dear homophobic parents

There is something I want to tell you. Something that really makes me sad and sick. It’s called homophobia. I’m so sick of homophobic people but then mostly homophobic parents. I want to write something about them. And I hope people share my thoughts

When I got my other blog I got a lot stories and comments from teens who have come out to their parents but their parent will not accept them… they say it’s a sin and it’s not normal to be gay… But what if your child would be very tall, would have a big nose, would have red hair, would have big ears or just something else what makes them different from other kids. If you are a parent of that child you will love your child no matter what right?

There are parents who don’t allow their child to see or let them have contact with their girl/boyfriend or let their child transfer from school because they have a relationship with someone of the same sex. There are parents who harass, abuse or kick their own child out of their home…Just for loving someone.

There is something wrong with you if you do that to your own child. You can’t change a gay person. They are born this way! You can’t let them hide their feelings, don’t let them hate themselves for loving a person. Your child will become unhappy and in the worst situation, they will commit suicide. You are selfish and must be ashamed to call yourself a parent. You are not a parent if you don’t support your own child. You must love your child no matter what. And if you don’t accept your child for who they are. You will have no right to call yourself a parent. That’s the last thing you are! Love is love!

I can say a lot more about this, I can go on for hours but I think that I have already made a point. You can’t choose who you fall in love with. So what will I say with this story? There are some gay people in the world who are going to a hard time because of the existing of homophobia. Not only because of their parents also because of the other people who don’t accept it. I feel sorry that I live in a world with people who are homophobic. I can be who I want to be but that’s not for anybody the situation. It’s unfair that there are people in the world who can’t be themselves… I want to say people just live your life. it’s maybe hard like hell. But there will come a lucky moment in your life. That moment is when you can say to yourself I’m proud and not ashamed that I love someone of the same-sex!

“Girlfriend”

This is a story about what happend a few years ago.

One day I was shopping with my best friend( a girl) and another friend. (a boy).

Because I like boy clothes we where on the men’s department, I wanted to try a blouse, I did it on and I came out the dressing, I asked to my best friend what she thought about it, because I care about what her opinion is

The girl who worked there looked at us with a look of’’ this two girls are together what cute’’ She wanted to help us and acted as she was helping a couple, she asked my friend what do you think about it. Does it look good at her and stuff like that.

After I had bought the blouse we leaved, we laughed because we aren’t together.But maybe for some people it looks like we are a couple. Then we came with an idea, what would people do if we where holding hands? So we did. We walked in the town holding hands, we saw that a few people (mostly men) stared at us, one time a group of men walked pass us, and our other friend told us that he looked over the shoulder and pointed at us.

When we needed to wait for the traffic light a girl looked at us and saw that we where holding hands.She gave us a great big smile , a smile like’’ Awwh it is brave that you two are proud and let others show that you two are together’’ You saw that she was totally accepting.

What I want to say, even when me and my best friend weren’t together as a real couple, I want to say to you that you shouldn’t be afraid to hold hands with your girl , be proud that you walk next to her. People will stare, but so what?, at the same time there will always be people like that girl by the traffic lights , people who will not care and even be friendly to you ! You are just as normal as a straight couple. So don’t hold back, if you want to hold hands do it.

Some questions I got part 2

Again some questions I got on my Tumblr blog

I have liked girls all my life and thought I was a lesbian but I have been having feelings for a guy what does this mean?- Anonymous

That you are human! Sexuality is fluid, maybe you thought you where gay, but did you now figure out that you also like boys ,Maybe bisexual will fits you. that is okay, you can see it just like the one time you discovered that you liked girls too, you can figure out your sexuality at different times. Maybe you just figured it out now. That is fine. Sometimes it takes time to really know who you are.

Okay I don’t know if your answer this but can a girl know they are a lesbian without having a girlfriend? – Anonymous

Of course, straight people also know they are straight before they have a relationship. You only get in a relationship when you have feelings right? So you will have this ”gay” feelings before you get into one right?

Hi So today at dinner My parents and I were talking about gays and how some people are against it since I have a school project about it.. And we were joking about my best friend and I being gay and how fun it would be.. And I was really tense cause like I’m gay but I’m not out.. But then they told that they wouldn’t give a damn if I was gay, they just wanted me to be happy, and I was ready to just like “IM GAY” but I couldn’t.. Why wasn’t I able to just say it when they already assured me?? Anonymous

Because maybe you weren’t ready to come out, it was the right time but maybe it was not your time. Listen to yourself if you really want to come out then try to bring up the subject again. Or maybe write it down in a letter if you don’t want to say it out load. But only do it when you feel ready. It is okay if you aren’t ready yet. But for now you know that you will have support and I hope that makes you feel good about it!

How do I stop falling for a straight girl Anonymous

you can’t because you can’t stop yourself from feeling thing. You just need to deal with it, and I know that can be really really hard. But you should.,so yeah okay just try not to fall to hard for a straight girl, when you know she is straight please back off and find a other love interest.  I know you can’t chose the one you fall in love with, love can be fucked up sometimes. All I can say is. Give it a place, tell yourself that she will not love you, let her go and try to be happy if she is happy.

Foto door Sanketh Rao op Pexels.com

Rainbow

It is beautiful that a rainbow is the symbol of homosexuality.

Because a rainbow only shows itself when there are sun and rain. Rain is dark. People will say rain is depressed rain is sad, rain is something people don’t want to have. Rain can break things. People most of the time hate rain.

You can say the rain is the same as all the homophobic people.

Then there is the sun. Sun is happy, the sun makes you feel warm, makes you feel loved, makes you feel happy. You want to do things on sunny days. People really like the sun.

You can see the sun as your support.

When rain meets the sun there will come a rainbow. That is you! Show your true colors. The sun is your support and fights against the rain so you can show your true colors. The colors of the rainbow!

Foto door Pixabay op Pexels.com

Bisexual talk with : Emma !

A few days ago I interviewed Roos and Stefanie about LGBT stuff. Today I had a talk with Emma about her being bisexual and her experience. I know Emma from work, if we work together we always have a good time, so this interview will be fun too I hope hahah.

Me: Hello Ems ! how are you? Thank you for your time! Can you tell something about yourself?

Emma: I’m fine! thanks, I have a cup of Jack Daniels so good 😀 I’m Emma and im 20 years old, I live in Rotterdam. I live together with my girlfriend.

Me: You are bisexual right? When did you figure that out? And how did you know?

Emma: Yes! I was 15 years old and I only had relationships with boys, being with a girl was never an option before until I changed from football club to a women football academy. A lot of girls showed interest in me. I liked the attention of one girl specific. We had a good time and suddenly she said to me that I would never ask her to be her girlfriend, that I was too afraid for that. I really like challenges so I just did it to prove myself. But the next morning I was confused if we both were serious. So we talked and we said: We just give it a try! But I realized that I was not done with boys, I still liked them. Then I knew I was bisexual.

Me: Have you ever felt ashamed about your sexuality?

Emma: To the world, I have never felt ashamed but I was nervous about what my friends would think. I was in a relationship with me (ex)girlfriend for 1 and a half year before I told my friends

Me: This brings us to the next question. How did you come out, and who was the first one you told?

Emma: All the time I told my parents that we were just friends, but they had a suspicion that we were more than just friends. I kept on lying until I couldn’t handle it anymore. First I told my mum. She got angry, So I started to cry and I ran away with my (ex)girlfriend. I was hurt because I thought they didn’t accept me being bisexual, so I was planning to never come home again. Meanwhile, when I was running away from home, my mum was chasing after me in her car to look for me. It took a day then I talked to my mum. She picked me up at me (ex) girlfriends house. After a long talk with my mum, I figured out that she accepted my sexuality but she just didn’t like the person I dated. After a while, it became clear why she thought that. My parents totally accept the girl I have a relationship with now. If I’m happy they are happy. It is normal for them now.

Me: What do you say when people ask you about your sexuality?

Emma: I never deny it. I say with proud that I have a girlfriend and that we are living together. I’m really proud to be her girlfriend 😀

Me: You have a girlfriend now. Do you feel safe to be open in public with her and have you ever experienced homophobic reactions?

Emma: I live in Rotterdam and that is a really LGBT friendly city they organize a lot of gay activities you can see the rainbow flag everywhere. So I feel safe when I hold my girlfriend’s hand in public. Of course, I sometimes get a few jealous reactions from boys but not really homophobic.

Me: How should you react to homophobic reactions or to someone who doesn’t accept you?

Emma: I have never experienced that right in my face. But I will keep my proud to myself, let them talk. I’m happy with myself and if others think different I don’t care.

Me: What do you think about the LGBT rights right now? Does something have to change?

Emma: I’m really happy with the rights in the Netherlands and I hope someday we will have that everywhere. Because every culture and every country deserves the same rights. Everybody must be allowed to love the person they want to love.

Me: Do you have advice to someone who isn’t out the closest or has struggled with their sexuality?

Emma: Don’t be too scared to lose friends, because if they don’t accept you, then they aren’t really your true friends. You will find people who really accept you for who you are!

Me: Any last words?

Emma: Yes! I have a question for you Nathasja! When you saw me for the first time did you thought I was gay?

Me: At first I didn’t expect it. But I knew someone of the new colleagues was gay when I figured it out. It became all clear. You can tell that you are gay, because of your character and your appearance. You are a little arrogant cute gay girl.

Me: thank you for your time empty!

Emma: Your welcome!

Fun fact: Emma once locked the door of my room so I couldn’t go inside because I was smoking in the living room, she was not happy with that! But now we laugh about it.

Me and Emma when we were going out with work!

LGBT in The Netherlands

Today I wanted to write about how it is to be homosexual or transsexual in The Netherlands. Because most of my readers are from a different country, I want to share my experience and some facts.

Legal

Living in the Netherlands as a gay person is pretty good, we have gay rights, we can marry each other. The Netherlands became the first country in the world to legalize same-sex marriage since 1 April 2001. For me it is normal that I can marry the person I love, bud sadly for a lot of people who live in other countries is it still illegal to marry someone of the same sex. I can’t imagine that. For me it is normal and I don’t have to worry about it. Luckily more and more countries are joining the same-sex marriage law 😀

When you are transsexual you can change your name and gender, you just need some doctor rapports. Also, sex/gender reassignment surgery is allowed. I even know a friend who is trans and had surgery.

Acceptation

I can be open about my sexuality, I have never experienced hate towards me in person. Of course, there is still homophobia outside and there will always be people who won’t accept me, but I never had a bad experience when I came out to someone. I can be proud of my sexuality, when I get a girlfriend ( yeah sadly I’m still single) will I feel safe to hold her hand in public, but I know that isn’t for everyone in The Netherlands. I know stories of homosexuals who have been beaten up for loving someone of the same sex. Also at schools homophobia can be a problem for LGBT kids. Luckily we have a lot of support groups in the Netherlands who are trying to make it better. Even when it is already safe for us they are still fighting for us, that makes me happy. They work for people in the Netherlands but also fight for LGBT people in other countries. When I figured out that I was a lesbian I could find all the help I needed.

Gay Pride Amsterdam

Every year we have a gay pride in Amsterdam, I have been there last year for the first time and it was great! The first Gay pride was in 1996 and from then on it will be every year in the first weekend of August. The streets of Amsterdam will turn into the rainbow colors. The festival will go on for more than a week, with music and a lot of different activities. With the big ending the Canal parade. With around 80 decorated boats, they will sail through the Amsterdam canals to celebrate our pride! If you once will visit the Netherlands and you have the time to visit the pride? Then please go because it will be a happy experience!

The Netherlands is a good place for LGBT people

Generally, The Netherlands is one of the friendliest countries to live in as an LGBT, of course, it always can be better. But I can say as a lesbian that I feel safe and I know that a lot of people will share that opinion. A lot of countries can learn from us that is one fact, I hope that in the future articles like this will be unnecessary and that it will be all the same for all of us. I understand that it still will take a lot of time. But the future is ours !!

LGBT Talk: With Roos and Stefanie

I asked my straight roommates if they wanted to do an interview with me. I know them from work, and they are best friends at work.

Me: Hello ladies this is my first interview so don’t judge me haha

Me: Thanks that you two wanted to do this interview. Okay, tell me something about yourself and how do you know me and how do you know each other? 🙂

Roos: Hello, I’m 20 years old, I live in the south of the Netherlands. I know you from work because we are in the same group. And I know Stefanie from the Military school, we were buddy’s and we still are.

Stefanie: Hi, I’m 21 years old., I live in the middle of the Netherlands. 15 km from the German border. I know you from the workplace, and we live together in the same building at work. And yeah as what Roos said we know each other from the Military school, and I have a lot of fun with her.

Me: What were your first thoughts about me when you figured out that I was gay?

Roos: I need to think, I don’t know, I think I kinda just heard it and I find it cool hhaha 🙂 We sleep together in one room but I have never felt uncomfortable with you because we have more gay roommates.

Stefanie: At first sight, I didn’t know you where gay. But then when you told me I was like okay okay interesting.

Me: What are your thoughts about homosexuality in general? And do you know any LGBT people?

Stefanie: I don’t mind it, I don’t hate it, the persons who are LGBT are just normal people just like us. And there is nothing wrong with that. And yes I know a few people who are gay, and since I work in the Army I know even more gay people.

Roos: You are not different, there is no difference, people are allowed to love who they want to love. My niche is lesbian and I have a friend of mine who is gay. And I’m happy for them that they have figured out and are happy in a relationship now.

Me: And what do you think when you see LGBT stuff on tv or in real life?

Roos: If I see two people of the same-sex kiss on tv I don’t think different about it.

Stefanie: No problem 😀 But when they kiss I don’t like it, but I have that with everyone hahah also heterosexuals just get a room haha.

Me: We work in the military, what is very manly what do you it will be like for gay men to be in the military and what about gay women?

Roos: They will be scared I think because they maybe think that their buddies will not be their friends or something. Because of the culture the Army has.

Stefanie: I think it can be very hard for them because the men in the Army can be judging about gay men, not like homophobic but just yeah they will choose them to pick on. But for women, it is easier because they will be seen as one of the guys.

Me: As a heterosexual what do you think about the LGBT rights in the world, does something have to change?

Roos: In the Netherlands it is good you have the same rights as me. So that is okay. But it is weird that it is different in other countries that is not okay.

Stefanie: I find it a good job of us that we have LGBT-rights and I love the gay-pride in Amsterdam. It is stupid that in other countries LGBT people can’t marry the person they love.

Me: Do you have advice for people who aren’t yet out of the closet?

Stefanie: You can do it, people will love you for who you are. Open the door there is a whole world waiting for you hahah.

Roos: Buy a light then it will be less dark in your life hahahah, No just kidding, just tell someone you trust. It will be fine.

Me: Any last words?

Roos and Stefanie: We wish you luck with your blog and thanks for this interview haha it was interesting.

Stefanie and Roos at the Iron Viking Run 42 km obstacle run